


An Unquenchable Yearning

by Andromakhe



Series: Balance [9]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Advice, F/M, Family, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-05-02 17:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5258042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromakhe/pseuds/Andromakhe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in my "Balance" AU. The song Karai chooses to sing touches each Hamato's heart to a greater or lesser degree, but Donnie is most affected. Leo sends Karai to comfort him, and in the process, they get closer. Inspired by Kenny G.'s "One More Time."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Karaoke Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I often write fics based on songs. That’s pretty obvious. Usually, though, you can understand the fic without having heard the songs. They are just mood enhancers and supplemental material.
> 
> This case is different, however. "Diametric Symmetry" is the first fic I’d call a true songfic. This is my second. If you haven’t heard Kenny G.’s "One More Time," I don’t think these reactions are going to make any sense. 
> 
> Yes, I know. I’ve probably scared the majority of readers off by now. But I think I have enough people who have enough confidence in me to give this a try. I heard the song, this scene played in my head, and it ignited enough passion that I had to write it down. It’s set a couple years after "Balance."

The Hamato clan were gathered in the living area in front of the TV, but they were not watching it. They were using it as a monitor for their new karaoke machine to display song lyrics. It had been a joint Christmas gift from April, Casey, Mr. Kurtsman, and Kirby. April and Casey had come up with the idea, knowing how Mikey loved to sing and that Leo had a penchant for it, too. It was now Christmas morning and the clan decided on an impromptu karaoke session. 

Mikey was eager to be first. He chose Michael Jackson’s "The Way You Make Me Feel," snapping his fingers and dancing happily. The family was amused, Leo singing along with the chorus and winking at Karai, who giggled and accepted a cheerful hug from Mikey when the song ended.

"Mikey, you’re too cute." Karai was smiling.

"You know it," Mikey grinned, giving two thumbs up.

Leo nodded, smiling indulgently. "He has his moments."

Splinter sang next, choosing Nat Cole’s "Unforgettable," his face wistful yet happy. The family kept a respectful silence. They knew how much Splinter loved Shen.

"I wish I could have met my mother," Karai said to Splinter.

"She was a good woman - as protective of her family and careful with her heart as you are. Like you, she didn’t trust right away. Very smart."

Karai smiled sadly a moment, but brightened and squeezed Splinter’s hand. "Leo and the guys are worth it, though."

"Yes," Splinter said immediately. "If I could be with Shen, but had to sacrifice my sons, I would not choose to. It is all or nothing."

Karai nodded in agreement as Leo bowed to Splinter and Karai and the other brothers bowed to Splinter. All the turtles were touched, unable to speak for the depth of their emotion.

Leo stared at Karai thoughtfully and selected Skylark’s "Wildflower" for his song. It was clear Karai didn’t know the song, but as she heard and read the lyrics, her shoulders drooped as she remembered her time in the Foot clan. Leo had certainly picked an accurate description of how she felt then. Leo sang with sympathy and sincerity, his face conveying the same desire to rescue her, to help her, as he’d had so long ago. By the final choruses, she was standing beside him and singing along so only he heard her, her eyes soft. When the song was done, Karai took Leo’s hand and kissed his callused palm, chuckling as she glanced to where her tanto would be if she were wearing it. Leo laughed. "Holding hands with the Foot," he quoted, nodding to Raph, who smirked at them and rolled his eyes, but with no bite to either gesture. If anything, his eyes were showing a fond exasperation.

"Why don’t you sing something?" Leo proposed, kissing the back of Karai’s hand before letting it go.

"I don’t know," she answered, looking around at the family.

"Come on," Leo coaxed. "They’ll love it. You sing beautifully."

Karai shook her head. "It’s…it’s too intimate."

"You don’t have to sing a song that has any meaning for us," Leo rejoined easily.

"Yes, I do. DOn’t pretend you weren’t singing to me. I have to sing to you."

"You can always do it later."

"You’ve heard her sing?" Mikey put in. "I wanna hear her. How come you only got to? Not fair."

Karai sighed. "I guess I have no choice now."

As the opening bars of Kenny G.’s "One More Time" began to play, Karai looked around at her expectant family, trying not to be nervous. She knew she had a good voice, at least. Still, she’d only ever sung for Leo, and she didn’t make it a habit of singing around the lair the way Mikey did. She met Leo’s gaze, eyes narrowing, as if to say, "This is all your fault." Leo merely shrugged and smiled encouragingly, trying to say it’d be fine. Taking some calming breaths, she closed her eyes and began the song. 

At first, she sang softly, a little timidly. But by the time she got to the line "And I reach" and was extending a hand toward Leo and looking him in the eyes, everyone was paying attention. Karai kept her focus on Leo, closing her eyes when the chorus began and feeling the lyrics with her heart and spirit. That passion was contagious. Splinter’s ears drooped and his eyes filled with tears as his heart yearned for his lost wife. Donnie winced at an old, remembered heartache, his head lowering sorrowfully. And Leo. Leo was wiping at his eyes with the back of a hand, Mikey patting his upper arm sympathetically. Only Raph was unaffected.

Karai’s eyes opened on the second verse, and she finally looked around at her somber, heartsore loved ones. Karai was pleased. If she was making them bleed, she was doing her job. What was the point of singing if one didn’t feel the lyrics? What was the point of listening if the experience left one cold?

When Karai got to the line "Every night I’m on my knees," she literally knelt and extended her arms in supplication to Leo, looking up at him and mouthing the word "Please" between lyrics. Karai saw Leo flinch as though she’d stabbed him, smirking as she got to her feet and began the chorus again. This time, she showed off her talent, belting the lyrics loud and strong and so heartbroken she was tearing up by the time she got to "And my heart breaks again."

Leo stood fluidly and glided over to Karai, taking her hand and then stepping into her embrace and resting his cheek against her shoulder. Karai nuzzled his face and one hand lingered on his shoulder as she finished the song with a final, despairing plea to her family. When the music ended, Leo took her in his arms and kissed her full on the mouth, gentle and tender, his eyes most assuredly damp.

The rest of the family sat in stunned silence, and not just because Leo was so bold. Raph was the only one who’d managed not to cry, but at the same time, he didn’t quite have the heart to mock the rest of them, either. Not that it would have been a good idea with Splinter dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief and Donnie crying on Mikey’s shoulder as he crooned soothing noises and rubbed his shell compassionately.

"Sounds like they’re speechless," Leo commented dryly, taking Karai by the hand and reclaiming their seats as Karai smiled smugly.

Donnie had let go of Mikey and was looking toward the bedrooms, clearly wanting an escape.

"My daughter," Splinter finally said, voice a little hoarse, "I must admit I am envious of Leonardo, if he has heard you before. It is no wonder he wished to share your talent with the rest of us. Thank you for the beautiful performance. I do not think any of us can follow such an act, at least not today. I’m in the mood for comedy. What about the rest of you?"

"Ooh, ooh!" Mikey exclaimed cheerfully. "Raph, you have that collection of Christmas song jokes? You know, the funny ones."

Raph snorted, smirking. Leo chuckled quietly, nodding approval and beginning to sing "The Restroom Door Said 'Gentleman’" in a low voice. Splinter laughed and Raph began playing the song from his phone. Only Karai noticed Donnie had slipped away during their conversation.

Partway through the song, Karai nudged Leo. "What’s wrong with Donnie?"

"I…don’t know," Leo replied, just noticing he was missing.

Raph stopped the music and Mikey blinked in confusion. "I can’t believe I forgot about D," Mikey said, getting up to go after him.

"Mikey, wait," Leo commanded.

Mikey stopped and turned around to face Leo.

"I think me, Sensei, or Karai should go after him. I’m not sure what’s up with him, but we might be in a better position to help. Given the probable romantic nature of the problem."

"Oh." Mikey nodded. "Yeah. Maybe you’re right." He went back to munching on Chee-Z Balls, but he was still clearly concerned about Donnie.

Leo looked at Karai, nodding toward their rooms. "Since this is your fault, you should go after him."

"It’s your fault, Leo. I told you I didn’t want to sing."

"You’re the one who chose that song," Leo retorted.

"Oh, come on. How was I supposed to know it would cut him that deeply?"

"Karai, I saw you. You wanted us to feel something. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m not sure Donnie would talk to me or Sensei."

"What makes you think he’d talk to me, then? We’re not as close."

"Exactly." Leo nodded firmly. "Please give it a try. If he rejects you and wants to be left alone, that’s fine. Just look in on him."

Karai looked at Splinter, who was nodding slowly and eying Leo shrewdly. It seemed he was catching on to some kind of strategy. Karai was still lost, but she nodded. "Very well. But if he starts crying on my shoulder, I swear I will pummel you."

"You sound like Raph," Leo laughed, his tone affectionate and not at all intimidated.

Karai rolled her eyes and lifted her nose in the air, stalking out of the room haughtily. But just before she exited, she caught Leo’s eye, frowning but nodding respectfully. Before she resumed her walk, she saw Leo nod acknowledgement before he turned to Splinter and they shared a troubled glance as Raph resumed the music.


	2. Pining and Penance

Karai knocked on Donnie’s door, aggressive and firm. She got no reply. She knocked again. Still no reply. She tried the knob and found it unlocked. Walking in, she noticed how bare the room was. 

Mikey’s room was cluttered and chaotic, mostly because he was too lazy to take out the rubbish. Leo got on him every week to uncover his floor, so Mikey usually spent one day sorting through everything, only coming out to throw things away or for meals and training. 

Leo’s room was spick and span. Nothing on the floor, everything in its place, the bed neat, surfaces dusted. 

She and Raph had rooms somewhere between Mikey’s and Leo’s. They looked lived in, but there were clear paths to their beds and workspaces and their doors were capable of opening without hitting something on the floor. 

Donnie’s room was simply a place to sleep. There was nothing really personal about it, the way everyone else’s rooms were. Donnie’s lab said more about him than his room. Karai found this kind of sad, as well as vaguely uncomfortable. She never really came into the room because it reminded her too much of her time with the Foot. Her room there had been utilitarian, just a place to rest and store ninja gear. She spent as much time as she could outside and away from home. It was a contrast to her new clan, where she went out on patrols but found that during the day, she didn’t feel like she had to get out and stay out for as long as possible.

When she finally found Donnie, he was sitting up and looking curiously at her, patiently waiting to be acknowledged. He’d seen her looking around at the bare walls, the lack of a desk or prized possessions, the dust around the edges of the room where no one really walked. Only his patrol gear and his phone were in his room, and they were on a table by his bed, his staff propped against the wall between them.

"I don’t like your room," Karai grumbled, sounding almost offended.

"You’re welcome to leave," Donnie shot back, somehow feeling offended even though he couldn’t really blame her for that assessment. The room was nondescript and kind of depressing.

"This place is so dead," Karai complained again.

"Well, there’s no reason to liven it up when I’m barely here. I live in my lab and sometimes come out to socialize or eat. You could always go there."

"No point. You’re here."

"Oh. You’re actually seeking my company? Why?"

"Yeah. I know. We don’t have much in common. Leo sent me to check on you. Why’d you sneak off like that? Leo said you were good with stealth but I never saw you actually use it to get away from us before. Well, in a normal context outside of training."

"Why’d Leo send you? Would have thought he or Mikey would come when my absence was finally noticed, or else that they’d just decide to leave me alone and let me come out by myself."

"He said something about them being too close to you."

"Hmmm. Well, if he thinks I’m going to talk to you, he’s wrong. I can’t even talk to the rest of them."

"Yeah. That’s what I said. Well, I’ll just be going then. Are you gonna come back to the gathering? They’re playing Christmas parodies."

Donnie smiled. "Sounds amusing. Okay." He got down off his bed and followed Karai back to the living area. On the way, though, Donnie stopped her by tapping her shoulder. Turning to look back, Donnie said, "By the way, you’ve got a great voice. Could really tell you were feeling those words. Leo’s a lucky guy."

"Thanks," Karai said shyly, cheeks starting to warm. "And Leo’s not lucky. He’s worthy."

Donnie frowned. "Well, that just makes me feel better. Neither lucky nor worthy."

Karai stopped. "Um…maybe we should turn around."

Donnie did so, and they walked back to the bedrooms. But this time, they entered Karai’s room and sat on her mattress, which she hadn’t bothered to fold up because she didn’t need the floor space at the moment.

"Okay. Explain," Karai commanded in a tone similar to Leo’s no-nonsense leader one.

"I don’t have to obey you," Donnie retorted.

"Would you like me to get Leo?" Karai smirked.

Donnie slouched a little. "No. I don’t want his pity."

"How do you know I won’t pity you?" Karai mocked.

"That." Donnie nodded. "You’re blunt and sometimes brutal. You’re like Raph, only easier to talk to."

"Leo said I sounded like Raph, too. You know, I’m not sure I’m happy about that. I want to stand out as my own person."

Donnie stared into his lap thoughtfully. "The Shredder makes you stand out."

Karai hissed, fangs flashing briefly.

"The snake thing, too."

Karai frowned and shook her head. "No, because you guys are mutants, too. It’s not unique enough."

"Your reaction to us was unique. I mean, when you met Leo. He says you approached him and told him he was interesting to you. Most humans just get scared. Leo would have been impressed by someone so brave."

Karai nodded. "He was new, different. He could talk and he was skilled. His appearance wasn’t really the first thing I focused on. My first thought was probably more like, 'Wow. He’s good. And he’s a…turtle?' But of course, I didn’t tell him I was impressed." She winked and flashed her teeth in a quick grin. "Surely, though, there are more humans that would have reacted like me."

"Casey," Donnie said shortly. "He thinks mutants are cool. But he’s kind of strange himself."

"And we’re not?" Karai deadpanned.

"In terms of personality, I don’t feel that different from the humans I’ve seen portrayed in movies or books. But Casey’s quirky even by mutant standards, I think."

"Well, never mind. We’re getting off track. What you said about being unlucky and unworthy. Still waiting for an explanation."

Donnie sighed. "Leo’s a mutant and managed to attract your attention even as a human because he was unusual, happened to be trained in ninjutsu, and I guess you found common ground. My brothers and I rescued April and I loved her on sight. She’s smart, has a temper like me, but I don’t think I’ll ever be anything but a friend to her. I think she spends more time with Casey than with us these days. I know it’s because she’s preparing for college, and that’s great for her. But I guess I’m just not good enough to keep her near me."

"And the song made you sad because you know she’s going away and what? You think she’ll ditch you?"

"Wouldn’t be the first time," Donnie muttered bitterly. 

Karai’s eyes widened and she gasped. She’d never heard such a tone from Donnie before. "What? Seriously? What kind of friend is she? I think she doesn’t deserve you, if you’re still pining for her to this day. If Leo just abandoned me, for whatever reason…" But then she stopped mid-rant, her anger dying. Would she? Could she kick Leo to the curb as she felt Donnie should do with April? She wasn’t sure. A part of her would be furious and hateful, but she’d never stop caring entirely. Damn him.

"I can’t talk to the guys about this. I mean, they’d tell me to just get over her. I’ve tried. But that song reminded me of the time when April got upset with us for accidentally mutating her dad. You know how hectic combat can get. It just happened. And I remember lying alone and wondering if I’d ever get to be friends with her again."

"Mutating her dad? Oh. I guess I can see why April was angry. Still, it wasn’t fair to blame you guys." 

"No. I think she thought it was permanent. Kirby was the reason I managed to invent retro-mutagen. Her anger was pretty understandable if you see it from that angle."

"Well, I was pretty mad at you guys when you tried to kill the Shredder, and that wasn’t an accident. Leo says he gets it, though. If I’d tried to kill Splinter, he’d have wanted me dead, too." Karai managed to convey pure affection even as she spoke of vengeance.

"It wasn’t Leo’s idea. We actually talked him into it and I imagine Leo gave in because hey, it’d make Sensei’s life easier. Anyway, the Shredder deserved it after what he put Sensei through. You know?"

"It’s ironic, both our clans turning us children against each other. And we all wanted to protect our fathers. I’m glad I never managed to kill Leo. I’m never going to be okay about doing that. He forgives me, but hey, sometimes I feel unworthy of him."

"But you’re not. Anyone can see he loves you, would do anything for you. Why can’t April feel that for me?"

"I don’t know. But if you can’t get over her, maybe it’d just be easier to not be her friend."

"No. That’d be worse."

"Maybe in the beginning. But I’ve found that time apart weakens bonds. And maybe her being busy with her life is a good thing. If she moves on and forgets about you turtles, then you’ll know she’s not worthy of you. And then you’ll have room for someone who is. And if she doesn’t forget, then none of us will tell you to get over her, 'cause we’ll understand why you love her."

"So I should avoid her when she comes by?"

"Yeah," Karai nodded. "It’s not worth the aggravation. Or you could say hi to her and make some excuse to get away early. I have no problem telling her you’re just preparing to not see her so much."

"You know, it would be easier to start curtailing the lengths of our visits. I think you’re on to something. And I won’t let her into the lab like I used to, since I’m more than capable of working alone. This plan is only logical."

"So should I tell the rest of the family about this, or should we all just gradually shorten the visits so she doesn’t get suspicious? Might be good for everyone to get used to not seeing her."

"If we all did it, I’d feel better. I don’t like being singled out."

"Then we have a plan. I’ll talk to Leo about this. I think he’d see the wisdom in it."

"I guess Leo was right," Donnie said. "I did end up talking to you."

"You know he’s gonna be so smug about that, right?"

"Yeah." Donnie laughed. "It’s okay, though. Part of what makes him a good leader."

Karai smiled proudly.

"By the way, may I ask what the song reminded you of? How could you sing like your own heart was breaking?"

"Oh. It was after the TCRI incident, when Leo yelled at me that he’d trusted me and I’d basically laughed at him. That night, and many after, before we made the deal that was broken, I lay awake and felt just as the song says. I might even have cried."

Donnie scowled at the memory of Karai’s deliberate recklessness in creating a monster. It was careless endangerment and that was unforgivable. His eyes bore into hers, accusing, judging. They clearly said, "I want payback."

Karai nodded, opening her mouth to apologize, but Donnie told her to stay quiet with a raised hand.

After some deliberation, Donnie nodded to Karai and touched her shoulder in a show of unity. "Maybe…Maybe Leo already took revenge for us by trying to kill the Shredder. He didn’t know the Shredder was your father at the time, but irrespective of that, he double-crossed you because you broke his trust. Maybe Leo felt like if trust didn’t matter to you, he wasn’t obligated to honor yours. If you spent nights in solitude, pining for Leo, I know from experience you’ve suffered enough. I forgive you."

Karai bowed low and formally, then jerked her head toward her door. "Let’s…Let’s go back to the others."

This time, they made it to the living area without incident. When Leo and Splinter saw Karai with Donnie, Leo smirked at her, clearly saying "I told you so." She smirked back and stuck her tongue out at him playfully. Splinter smiled warmly at Donnie, who offered a genuine smile in return.


	3. Bedtime

After a nice dinner of ham, rice, corn, and little fruit tarts, everyone turned in for the night with contented stomachs and happy hearts. Well, everyone except Leo. He was still worried about Donnie. As a leader, though, he’d become very good at compartmentalizing and had put the emotion away to be dealt with at a less public venue. He sat on the floor of his room in meditation, his shell against his bed. He felt Karai stop near him and take his hand, sitting down and folding her legs in front of her as she joined him in mind and spirit. Her mind brushed his soothingly, immediately picking up on his unease. Leo acknowledged her sympathy with gratitude, but neither of them was in a deep enough trance to attempt to commune spiritually.

"SO what was wrong with Donnie? Unless he’s sworn you to confidentiality, of course."

"April," Karai said casually.

Leo nodded. "I thought that might be the case. I hate that he hurts himself unnecessarily. He should just accept that while she loves us as friends and family, we’re never going to truly be interesting to her romantically."

"I think he gets that. What he doesn’t get is why you and I worked when he and April don’t."

"How am I supposed to know? The one difference I see, though, is that you always knew who you wanted. With April, my feeling is she isn’t sure herself. Casey and Donnie appeal to her in different ways. I know Raph and I appealed to you in different ways, but you’ve always understood the concept of winning some and losing some. April doesn’t know what her priorities are."

Karai nodded. "April going away to college, even if it’s in the same state, is a good thing. I think she’ll meet a greater variety of people and maybe that’ll help show her the difference between what she needs and what she wants. You’re right. She doesn’t know which things she can live without.

"Leo, I suggested to Donnie that he - that we all - should start gradually lessening the time we spend with April. I think Donnie needs to be weaned off of her and it would be better all around. Besides, this will be a good test. We’ll see how worthy she is of Donnie’s affections if she goes away to school and makes new friends and ditches us."

"Karai," Leo said sternly, "April wouldn’t ditch us."

"Donnie says she did. After you guys mutated her dad."

"Oh. Right. Donnie took it hard. We were all sad, though. We couldn’t entirely blame her, but we did feel kind of betrayed, too."

"Rightfully so. You guys risked your lives for her. Of course, you felt betrayed." Karai gave a contemptuous snort.

Leo chuckled, getting up and climbing into bed. Karai stayed on the floor, draping her arms and torso over the bed as Leo stroked one of her arms and smiled kindly at her. He arranged himself comfortably and lay one hand over hers. "Want me to make room for you?"

"Not tonight, Samurai. Sorry. I’m really full and want to be able to get maximum use of a bed."

Leo smiled in acceptance. "Completely understandable. And seeing less of April sounds okay to me. Our cover story is what? That we’re trying to make it easier on ourselves when she has to leave the city?"

"That’s right. I think she’d understand. Hopefully, she won’t take it personally."

"She might consider it advantageous for herself, too. I think it’ll be okay." Leo’s eyes drooped as his voice turned drowsy.

"Would you like to share my bed? Before you fall asleep here, I mean."

"I’m already comfortable here," Leo complained. "But if it’d make you happy." He opened his eyes and started to brace himself against the bed.

"No. It’s…I’ll be okay without you." But Karai couldn’t hide her disappointed tone.

"No, Rogue. It doesn’t sound like it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply it wasn’t worth the effort. I’d love to have you beside me, no matter where. Help me up, hmmm?" He extended a hand and Karai smiled and tugged on it gently as he moved to sit up. He got to his feet and they walked hand in hand to her room, closing the door behind them and stretching out blissfully on her futon.

Karai and Leo held each other close for a long, slow good night kiss, their tongues licking at each other’s lips languidly. Karai moaned, deep and appreciative. Leo rubbed her back, embraced her with all the gentleness and fierceness of his love. "You okay? No one should be sad today."

In answer, Karai squeezed him so tightly it hurt a little, but it wasn’t intended to constrict either his lungs or his heart. It was simply the only way she knew to show he was forgiven and loved. "No worries. Rest easy." She kissed his neck and he licked at hers, reassured.

Sitting up, Karai caressed Leo’s chest with one hand while the other caressed his upper arm rhythmically. She smiled gently as she noted how his body relaxed, how his face lost its tautness. She began to sing softly, a Japanese lullaby. At Leo’s bright smile, Karai knew he was familiar with it.

"Sensei," he murmured drowsily. "Safe. Warm."

When Leo was almost asleep, he fought it, prying his eyes open and looking at Karai in concern. But she stroked his head, his cheek, the way Splinter sometimes did, and his voice of responsibility softened. "We’re fine. Me and everyone else. Rest," she crooned with frustrated tenderness, chuckling despite herself.

"Mmmmm," Leo mumbled ruefully. "Love you."

Karai brushed her lips over Leo’s with a feather touch before lying on her side of the mattress. Hooking an arm through Leo’s, she rested her hand on his chest. The last thing she heard that night was his comfortable sigh as he lay a protective hand over hers.


End file.
